Delicious Demons: Food, Fear & Fury

I am not going to enter into a relationship arrangement that restricts my autonomy. There. I said it. That's my new boundary and it applies to you and everyone else I'm involved with. I know we've had a one-sided "don't ask don't tell" open relationship in the past, but I feel like since we're separated that it no longer applies. I wish we could talk openly about my other non-platonic friendships. I've obviously had a few since we've been together and I believe you're aware of most of them. I wish I could tell you about the two I'm currently involved with. It would help me so much to be able to share them with you and would go a long way to reestablishing emotional safety in our relationship. I also want to be respectful of your feelings though. It's hard because I do consider you my closest friend and this is the kind of stuff I like to share with my close friends. I'm going to write it here because this is all the stuff I want...

I have this urge to die. It's not a conscious desire, but deep down inside there's this push to just end it all. I feel overwhelmed by the magnitude of stuff I need to do in order to be a successful human by my own standards which are the only ones that matter. I feel completely out of control with my eating and I'm so damn tired all of the time. I just want to die. I don't want to be a parent anymore to a verbally abusive kid. I have 7 years of unfiled taxes. There's a lien on my house because Dan didn't deal with the strata. I can't seem to make enough money to pad up my bank account and my Etsy sales have dwindled. Fuck my life right now. I'm so depressed. I feel beyond unmotivated to do anything.