Delicious Demons: Food, Fear & Fury

I'm self aware enough to know that I over eat and drink to sooth my broken heart. I feel lonely much of the time. I feel depressed while at home. I am at peace in the ocean, but I'm too tired to get off my ass and I just want to escape my loneliness. I can't go on like this. I want out of this situation so bad. I'm too tired to leave. I feel too overwhelmed to make the changes and take the steps to leave Dan in a way that would be beneficial to both of us. I just want out so bad. Living in this house with him is like living in a mausoleum. There's so much life I want to do in life and being tied to Dan definitely holds me back. He's a nice man and I do love him deeply, but I can't share a living space with him anymore. I want out.

I'm so tired. I drank the equivalent of 8 standard drinks yesterday. Why? To escape. I tried convincing myself not to, bug I just wanted that sense of tranquility so bad. Now I'm... M - $65 poorer E - Too exhausted to get out of bed L - Smoked cigarettes  M - Feeling super depressed and low F - Consumed at least 1000 calories from booze alone  S - Had bad dreams

Money  Energy Longevity Mood Fitness  Sleep Money: More money to spend on going surfing, making home furnishings, saving for renos, pumping into business ventures, buying clothes, cosmetic procedures, a housekeeper etc. Energy: Let's be real, you get a sense of purpose from getting things accomplished and you need energy to do that. Ain't nobody got time for a hangover and also you're not 20 so you need all the help that you can get. Less booze = more energy. Longevity: This is building on that last one. The longer you live, the more stuff you get to experience. Overindulgence in booze means you'll smoke and put yourself at greater risk for a whole host of diseases which are largely preventable. Plus you wanna have a good quality of life in your older years too, right? Mood: Fucking with your GABA and Seretonin levels is a recipe for unnecessary mood disorders. Mood affects EVERYTHING!!! It affects your enjoyment of life, relationships, motivation, physical health, abil...