Bitter Sweets

I want cake or confections or sweets.
What am I feeling?
I am feeling angry, confused, unsure and scared. I'm feeling this way because it's the 16th anniversary of my Dad's death. There are a lot of unanswered questions from my childhood that I want answered. I feel powerless and frustrated that I will never get those answers.
What was the trigger?
Thinking about how I will never get an apology or explanation as to why my dad swung from being such a kind supportive man to being mentally and physically abusive.
What do I need?
I guess I really want closure and answers, but I will never get them in this life. I am deeply troubled by this because I want to forgive and heal. Part of that process for me is having explanations. I need to confront him and call him out on a lot of shit. I desire confrontation...a confrontation I'll never get. This is yet another arguement I'm forced to concede, not because he's right or justified, but because he's dead. Even in death he has the upper hand.

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